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reena

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[08 Jan 2006|05:26pm]

hey... i do this every year. NEW JOURNAL:

www.livejournal.com/~best_fuck_ever.

so go read the rules and apply. seriously it'll be worth your time but it will be locked only because i am no longer going to be sensoring myself anymore so it's gunna be a little provocative. but im sure you dont mind.

love me.

 

 

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[17 Dec 2005|12:29pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

OMG you guys! christmas is ALMOST here! how awesome are the holidays?! okay enough of that...
i dont really feel like spilling out every ounce of my life right now, so im gunna do it this way.
-my mom found the letter that i wrote to aida and because she can be a nosy bitch, she read it
-she is still convinced that i had a party
-we exchanged some ugly words
-last night[friday] me&aida went to go see my boyfriend at the resteraunt... met up with miki jozef and matej.
-on the way to ashley's party we had to pull over, on the side of the road mind you, because miki had to pee like none other.
-the party.
-my boyfriend antonio <3
-..miki..
- the czechies
-my bestest friend spent the night
-today im cleaning because we're moving..
-miki is coming over in an hour to study with me.

so im going to go- too much to do.

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"thats when your world goes to shit-the day you find out that santa was never real" - Patrick olsen. [13 Dec 2005|07:53pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

hey guys, well umm actually some things have changed.For starters i had a boyfriend for 3 days (thursday at like 1am- sunday at like 4) and then i dumped him, and now we're going back out again as of the 12th.
so thursday i had my therapist appointment and really the man annoyed the hell out of me. but whatever, after that my mom dropped me off at the naples mall so aida and i could shop. i bought my dress for my dad's christmas dinner. then we came home and watched the oc!! and then thats when i got a boyfriend. Friday was work and then the dinner. it was fun to see a bunch of respectable people get completely hammered and make total asses of themselves. the highlight of my night was the look on will's face when he saw me.. talk about shocked. lol i guess maybe i look different? i used to adore him with every ounce of my body- now he's just will. he like rubbed my bare back when he said bye to me... like he caressed it.. umm witf i have a boyfriend?!?! i used to obsess about him and tell jenn ocasio updates in suida's algebra class daily. good times i tell ya.i didn't make it to jimmy's party because of stupid work the next morning, even though i promised miki i would go. saturday i fucking had to get up at 7! who does that anymore? afterwards i wanted nothing but to sleep- that didn't happen. i ended up going shopping with aida, then to the Fort myers vs. verot soccer game. then we went to the hockey game.. the boys were awesome!!! especially ryan and miki. wow i love you guys!! we met up with tb jenn megan allie and ashley... it was nice seeing you guys again! afterwards we hung out for a little while. i got lectured by mikala for not going to the party. haha i love you! the next day was sunday. my mom and dad were pissing me off on the way to church[how ironic] so i threatened to throw myself from the moving vehicle. actually it was kinda funny. i got mad at them so i didnt sit with them. soon after we went to my ama's house for breakfast.  then i got home and god nothing sounded better than a nap! but noo0oo0 i had to break up with my boyfriend. took long enough. so i was a little shooken up and aida took me to starbucks. but boyfriend or no boyfriend we still decorated the christmas tree! lol. teh next day was one that i woudl be dreading! he didn't speak to me once. in fact he gave me the look of death twice. if looks could kill i would sooo be six feet under right now and aida patricia faverio would be delivering my eulogy. i think she'd do a fine job. but yeah.. then i had to go to work all upset sick and depressed. then his friend mario called asking me what i did to him because he was drinking alot and was drunk and kept saying my name. well shit... one thing lead to another and he got me back. BUT today i didnt go to school because i feel like ass. besides, i haven't gotten any sleep. but whatever im tired of typing. can't wait for ashley montague's party this weekend!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE! anyways... i love you!

-reena

p.s. im moving to where storm lives. weird, huh?

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[06 Dec 2005|07:26pm]
[ mood | TRAPPED. ]

today is tuesday and for some reason i was trying to convince myself all morning otherwise. I didn't have school yesterday because Hibernian's toilets didn't work.. which is hilarious in a pathetic sort of way. yeah so i had a nice long weekend. on friday i kind of just chilled out and some lady brought me a cat to my work that she found, i have her and i am trying to find her mommy. for now i call her, Arabella... ive been needing a day to relax. so aida spent the night. then on saturday we went to go see Pride and Prejudice which was a really cute movie- long but cute. Sunday morning i woke up kinda early and aida and i went to my grandparents house for breakfast, then we [mom and ruben with her viper, dad with his barracuda, Troy and TJ with my dad's other cuda, and me and aida with my truck] caravaned to the car show in venice. We met alot of people there and the drive was so much fun. Ive never seen so many hot rides in my life. DUDGE TRUCK WORLD IS AMAZING! lol i won best in show- my very first car show ever! but yeah then we drove home early and i dropped iids off. then picked up miki. we got alot done in 3 hours lol. its amazing what you can do in three hours. then we went and saw jozef matej david and farn at the house and then teh czechies came back to my house. THEN SOMEONE had the great idea of teaching me to iceskate..for the first time ever. lol they took turns holdingy hands so i wouldnt fall.. i was the luckiest girl ever. ive never had so much fun doing something so simple. i only feel twice and yes the first time was miki's fault for like twirling me.. lol good thing i have a big ass. anyways that was alot of fun. monday i woke up and went to work at 2.00... i get my raise tomorrow! so excited! today i went to school then out to beefs with aiida and catie salko. now im home and i want to leave my house but i can't. ugh this sucks.. i have alot of things i need to figure out. like seriously.. especially things with antonio. idk.
do i really want a boyfriend right now?
-reena
p.s. the reason why two people have my heart is because when they met me, it was already broken in two.

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"hey does that little car in your living room have a weight limit?" [27 Nov 2005|06:38pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

so here is my weekend in a nutshell...

WEDNESDAY:

last day of school for a few days which is always a relief. i took all the czechies home&let me tell you that was a thrill. umm after that i went to work for a while. Then off to aida's to get dressed and surprise antonio at the restaraunt. i'm such a good.... person. oh by the way miki- you left your shirt in my truck. so on the island we met up with antonio, miki, jozef, matej& a case of mexican beer. took it to the beach and some people decided to get naked and go swimming! hottness. anyways aida & i saw a shooting star && duh we made wishes! but yeah then the biggest thing went down. i hade a huge fight with antonio and ran away from him like 5 times. it got to a point where he ran inside the car while it was moving and unbuckled my seat belt and took me out of the car. i wasn't like infuriated- i was just really frustrated and upset. finally we said some things.. and i begged aida to drive away && being the bestest best friend ever- she did. the phone kept ringing but i didn't want to pick it up. but finally i did.. and so as requested we went to mama pasta to meet up with the boys again. this is where it gets strange. antonio knew i was mad at him- but miki thought i was mad at him. so yeah i've never had so many nice things said to me in one night. honestly. broken english or not.. it was beautiful. BY THE WAY, WHY IS TACO BELL CLOSED EARLY DURING THE WEEK?!?!? i love heart2hearts.

THURSDAY:

thanksgiving. woke up from aidas and took off because, well my family wanted me to. then i went to nora's ranch thingy out in alva for the dinner. what a bunch. mark's mom said i was beautiful and that i belong in the movies. thats when i concluded she was on drugs. i left dinner early to drive all the way from alva to naples for, get this, WORK. that was a fucking bust let me tell you.

FRIDAY:

soo aida and i decide to go shopping- yeah shopping. there was no parking at all!!! i bought teh cutest outfit for tonight. ugh i looked so cute! and there was a freaky lady at VS who said that i was gorgeous. so now i have concluded that someone put prozac in the city water. anyways soon after that i had to drive all the way to Fort myers to drop off patroclus& miki some stuff. then back to estero. i have never had my cell phone ring that many times. talk abotu stress.i had at like 200 phone calls in one hour.. ive never put that many people on hold on a cell phone in my life. yeah so later that night was amazing. wow best times ever. if you were there- you are fucking awesome. if not- thats too bad. definately some weird stuff went down though.. no doubt. wow***kisses*** lol. & cleaning at all hours of the night.

SATURDAY:

as tradition aida and i went to eat at perkins when we woke up. then she went home and so did i. sleep sleep sleep. then to the movies to see Harry Potter & the goblet of fire... which was nothing short of amazing!!!!!! OMG DANIEL RADCLIFEE IS SOOO CUTE. lol he kinda looks like patty tho!

SUNDAY:

i went to church, then to my granparents house. I visited my g-gma. she is 98.. and well she isnt doing so hott. idk its all very iffy. then  i came home and slept until 5. talked to aida and antonio on the phone. pepi had a bath and he smells good. but whatever. i love love love my friends.. and they know that they are spectacular.

"they are bitches to me- but you, you are my friend, reena. if they tell me theyre pissed off at me i say fuck you, i don't care. but if you say you're pissed at me and you leave- i'm going with you."-vm

"hey is there a weight limit on that little car in your living room?" - ms

"all i want is me fuckin weed. please go in an tell patt-t to unlcok the car for me." - rob? lol english rob not hamm.

"umm can't you see that im not in seventh grade anymore. you really just don't do it for me anymore"- yours truly.

"please tb, don't un me over"- A.F.

"REENA-- LET'S PUT A CONE ON AIDA'S ASS!!!" K.B.

"when i saw you- i was like a little boy getting a present. you don't know what you do to me. i like you so much"- A.R.

well there are soo many more. and you probably dont understand.. but IDC!

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wait dod you say beach or bitch? what?? a bitch on the beach? [11 Nov 2005|10:30pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

so today i was late to school.. that was fun! yeah so anotonio's uncle owns Vigna on sanibel and he wanted for me miki jozef and matej to go out to dinner.. so i went to work which was completely hectic. then of course i was late to meet miki& jozef [matej couldn't come].. so as i was leaving they were walking down my street? yeahso we drove to sanibel- yelling the whole way. i love those guys... so we meet antionio who was working so he sat us at the bar and got us anything we wanted... i had calamari and miki fed me strawberries lol.. and well it was all very good. antonio took care of the bill- so i <3 him. yeahh and he might come with me to watch the boys play hockey tomorrow. fun stuff. yeah so i love all of them.. especially our crazy car rides with pimp music, good laughs, yelling and jumping railroad tracks. i'm home now- happy as a clam. <3 haha because babka means grandma.

"reena.. come on, smile. "

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Not just my imagination working over-time. [10 Nov 2005|07:22pm]
[ mood | calm ]

its hard for me to write about something that i myself am so unsure of. Its hard to put down what doesnt make sense if you can't even ask the right questions. But what i do know was that before i even knew he existed its not like i was perfectly fine, but i was doing okay without him. Then i met him and i was determined.. now everytime i'm with him i can't stop laughing and my day is just alot brighter. I dont think its love, i know its not lust, but its something more. the worst part is.. every week that goes by is a week less that i have with him. He is going to leave soon enough & i don't think i can keep him. I hope that maybe i am enough to make him stay.. but i dont think anything is. I will cry if he leaves. I dont know.. i always used to say "words are all we have"... but now that i know him, i know that we have so much more.

went to school today- that was alright. Jozef & Matej told me that they saw a movie yesterday with a girl that looked identical to me... then they told me it was a porn. cool guys.. thanks! haha. after school Miki came over and we worked on the E.S. project. of course we didn't finish but whatever. it was fun. bleghh am i the only person that has school tomorrow?!

- reena

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[20 Oct 2005|10:02am]
so gone it's not even funny... i know i said i wanted to leave, but not like this.
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[18 Oct 2005|06:58pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

well.. i haven't heard from him since sunday morning... he was supposed to call as soon as he got home.. He is nowhere to be found and his phone mailbox if full. i haven't been this worried about someone in a long time. Makes you realize just how much you care huh? yeah so im going absolutely insane. its already gunna be wednesday...
but i took miki home today.. we had fun on the ride home. he is teaching me czech.. then i got my haircut and it is adorable..

now im here and i just really need to hear his voice again and know that he's okay.

i miss you .

[edit/ just got off the phone with mr. jackass himself... FUCKING HOMOSEXUALS. IM SORRY I EVEN CARED.]

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[15 Oct 2005|01:33pm]

so about six days have passed since i've written. get over it, no one reads this shit anyway. What i have to say isn't really important to you, but it's important to me.

Lately some problems i was having and thought i was over are coming back.. with a vengence. These problems that i quote have under control unquote.. are really not that controllable. But neither are the situations i've been put in lately. I just have so much to think about. Its my life and i need to know that what im doing with it is going to be worth something. But no one can tell me that. I'm drifitng away from the people that i "love" the most. I need to apologize because the way i love is the only way i know how. There are many different kinds of love that you share with different kinds of people. I have observed and instructed myself accordingly but its not enough because really all im trying to do right now is hold myself together.. no one else ever has or ever will do that for me. this i know. Things are changing, you are changing. As for me? i think i am staying the same in many ways. Just as much of a fuck-up as before, just with a little more character. I know i need to get away, and most people would ask how you could leave everything behind. My answer: i wouldn't be. There isn't much for me here. I've always known this. I just feel really out of my element. I don't do the things i used to... the things that i guess could make me happy. Work is becoming really stressful... especially when your boss is pregnant. but whatever. i saved a dog's life the other day. We were supposed to be testing for amalayse and lipayse... but joana gave me amalayse and crea slides... i forgot to double-check and therefore entered the wrong slides. I got yelled at again. Then she read teh results and said that if i hadn't of made a mistake that the dog would have died of renal failure... That's alot to take in for me. But whatever.. then they tell me that dudley wilder was put to sleep.. the dog that all summer i was giving lacted ringers to. That same day i check the schedule at 3:00 and see that Buzz morse was going to be put down at 5:30. How can you do that.? What do you do if you were to find out that you had 2 and a half hours left to live of your life. I just don't get how life works right now. I dont get it.. The best part?? NO ONE EVEN GIVES A SHIT ANYMORE. SO DON'T PRETEND LIKE YOU DO. Please don't think i don't know teh things you say when you pretend to listen. How you say the same thing over and over again. Im not dumb. I just need everything new at this point. Aside from that... Ross came over and we watched amittyville horror. Then he left me again for the east coast. fun fun. and you- cut your shit!! "IM GUNNA KILL MYSELF IF___________DOESN'T GO MY WAY!!!" - i doubt youd be so kind.

bottom line- you live your life and i'll just live mine.

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Its a little something i call the weekend..<3 [09 Oct 2005|06:40pm]
[ mood | calm ]

So on friday i went to school.. got really mad at taylor for making me wait around last period to take him home, when in reality i could have left because there are no honors classes last period... so when he finally comes out he tells me that oh by the way, he doesnt need a ride. This is when i ever so sweetly tell him to piss off and to please suck a dick. Following that i go to work. I dont remember if i already said this but i saw a cat in the treatment room with its tongue hanging out, so i thought it was waking up from surgery... so i went over to it, said a few words and pet it. I walk out of the room and joana says.. dr corbo that cat is gunna die. i thought she was kidding. in ten seconds everyone is yelling for Ketophane and syringes. i ask joana whats going on and she tells me that the cat is dead. wow. i was upset. so i came home and told my parents and my dad says "you sent it to hell, huh?"... that was a joke? i couldn't hear his fake apologies through my deafening yells. So later i went to the nail place and got them fixed up a little bit. Then a trip to blockbuster was very much in need. So yeah, it was boring. talked to the beloved for the longest time on the telephone!

AND SATURDAY- went to work, all the appointments were double booked and i was the only tech.. got yelled at by the doctor because i "blew it" and made an "expensive mistake"... WELL I AWARD YOU ZERO POINTS AND MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOUL BECUASE THE SENSOR MESSED ITSELF UP AND IT WAS ONLY TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS YOU CHEAP WHORE. so she told me to stop pouting... this is when i yelled at her on accident and she apologizes.. so i have to stay overtime and finish everything up then rush to get my hair done. Then off to ama's house for ruben's second birthday party. Okay so then i talked to hundreads of my cousins.. then left for chelsea's grandma's house? that was cool.. then stonewood. then homecoming. i had alot of fun.. its always nice to see old friends!! so alicia and i had fun dancing and watching michael dimattia salivate over girls! jaja! soo nice seeing mandi, AUDRA!, matt, kelly and espeically lynnie! gosh i miss you guys! everyone looked great which is the coolest part of homecoming. my favorite part was seeing mikey's face when michael dimattia sandwiched his girlfriend. priceless moments these are.

and today i was woken up by ross. talked with him until i heard the anouncement that his flight was leaving.. and now he's home. awesome!
well i took ruben swimming today.. i <3 him
pictures to come soon.. until then go visit my ms.
myspace.com/xo_reena

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i only sleep when its raining. [07 Oct 2005|11:16pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

hi. well allow me to say one thing first... nothing ever stays the same for me. And as much as that upsets me sometimes i think its that way for a reason. Like besides the reason that causes it to happen... i mean its purpose.

       People never fail to amaze me. The way people are.. the way i wish they were and sometimes the things the say. People will make sacrifices for you, they put their priorities aside, dropped everything from their fingertips and consoled you, gave you kind words of endearment, whatever it is that you needed. And yet you have the nerve to throw that shit down the drain. I want you to think about the friends you have and i want you to consider what they all have in common... why is it that you look for that? And its not always about how you act.. its about what you said and the way you said it. i hope that one day you will know what its like to hold the whole world in your hands then watch your fingers fall off. thats what i wish for you, and im alomst positive that it will happen... so hopefully you will have the right friends around to dry your tears you whiny little bitch.

     As for me...i'm just trying to find out where i belong. Its just never enough for me. Its not hard to keep my attention but lately im just not entertained in the least. I feel like soo much is missing and i cant understand why no one has depth. i mean are you really this way?? or do you pretend? i dont know i just am counting down the days until i leave... which might be soon. i want to study in spain for a while maybe. but idk.. its all up in the air

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PARDON ME.. [05 Oct 2005|09:28pm]
[ mood | amused ]

hey guys.. well today was alright.. actually it lasted too long if you ask me. i had to go to verot this morning to get a homecoming form from my best alexander scott! i <3 ya hun! and then went to school blah blah blah... back to verot to drop it off.. then took Matej, Miki, and josef [czech kids] home.. that was ineteresting?
i was supposed to go to the anesthesia seminar but a car accident held up traffic.. so i went to the mall instead where i found the perfect dress for homecoming.. i know who buys two homecoming dresses...well i do... one for fmhs and one for verot.. the verot one is like amazing though.. too bad its like $300... hope mommy says yes. so then i was home.. and i talked to aida and ross for a while.. ahh you guys are awesome. mad love. then i watched "so you think you can dance" and it makes me miss it soo much.. so im going back to it. alot is going to happen in october.. i mean alot. we're talking californication. but whatever. im so sick of school right now.. like its a fucking joke.. you dont even know. i dont want to be in college just yet but damn highschool classes are definately borderline homosexual.so thats that i guess.
-reenation

p.s. a big FUCK YOU FAGGOT goes out to the guy who thinks he is the shitt.. haha jp i <3 you

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[02 Oct 2005|03:17pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

hey.. well yesterday was interesting! Ross is offially out of state... and homecoming actualy happened. So friday i went to aida's house for her dad's birthday, that was fun. i <3 smirnofff! then i spent the night at her casa... saturday morning we woke up early and drove to my town to get our nails done. then i went home and straightened my hair for my 1.00 appt. after getting my hair done we went last minute to the mall... i needed jewlery. then got dressed and went to louisas house, then cantina laredo. i've never been to a homecoming like that but it was fun. thanks iids.


im at home alone now, everyone is in tampa... and im here alone with my dog and the rain wishing someone was here.. but he's not. yeah so whatever.. i dont think i have a right to be upset but that doesnt make me feel any better either. so i guess tonight is verot's ring mass... thats awesome guys! its weird to think how different my life would be if i would have stayed or if i would change my school again... i think i might, but not verot again.. i just couldn't do it. but whateverthis was pointless and its your fault for reading it.

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[26 Sep 2005|09:03pm]
[ mood | sick ]

wow it has been some time since i have even looked at this website. livejournal really doesn't stand up to myspace that well lol. not that everyone spends every second of their life online, but whatever. So alot had happened. i mean lately i have just been through sooo much. i never thought i would have experienced half the things i have this past month and it really has been a bumpy ride. but i still never swallowed my pride and asked for help- with anything. i helped myself through it all and thats what makes me feel good. asking for help isnt easy for me. especially when your best friend is in peru for forever and a half!! lol im glad i have her back so that she can listen to my random fits of hilarium and anger.Anyways.. september 20th it was my birthday.. i am officially 17.. and its weird because when i was 16 and people asked me how old i was, i almost always wanted to say 17 because thats the way i felt... now i feel as though i have caught up with myself and that kind of scares me.BUT on the lighter note my birthday thing is going ot be A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! but as of right now ive been super busy at work and stuff-- october 5th i have to go to an anesthesia seminar. itll be very interesting. but whatever. i got attcked by a huge ass cat at work today. my hand is all taped up and what not. homecoming is this weekend and i am soo stoked. its gunna be stellar. my dress is f'in gorg!! i love love love it! lol anyhow, the other day hanging out with aida kt chelsea agun and pepi was fun.. i love my dog. but whatever i love my best friend aida- thank you sooooooooo much for everything and for alway lending me an ear and always decorated so lavishly with the cutest earrings! lol. and katie- i adore you darling..we'll get through everything i swear! well alot of things are new.. he is new.like an old but new to me thing lol. but yeah i hope i can keep this one for a little while.
<3 mucho amor!

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[25 Aug 2005|04:39pm]
[ mood | amused ]

wow it has been one helluva week. lets see.. im gunna make this quick. but alot is going on in my glamorous life as usual..
friday- worked then went to my house and we had the fuckin most awesome beer party ever!!! thank you chris, sean, matt, mark, keith, scott, john, aj, don, mike, thomas, stephanie, tom, krystal, and everyone else who was there. totally awesome drunken fun. lol. ahh scott was soo hot with his irish accent.. and a boxer too!

the next morning-

drove up to tampa to go shopping... me mom sister and aida... my sister and my mom get into a fight with a nasty puerto rican slut who was dumb enough to mess with spaniards... duh your fuckin retarded... the girl got arrested and we are charging her for assault, battery and attempted aggrivated assault... she is also banned from the mall... she is in jail right now with a 20,000 bond. what part of dont mess with my family does no one understand?
then aida and i went to david's house... got some huggs and went to dinner... which on the way i got pulled over for "cutting and speeding" and yet again, i talked my way out of it... im so god damned charming.. well i got a ticket for cutting since i already had a warning... but still how good am i? yeah real good. ate at the cheesecake factory... then went to sleep.

walked outside the next morning

and saw my house and truck messed with... haha wow it is possible to be dumb and ugly.. they confirmed it. thats their idea of fun because allie and ashley dont have a life everyone... and they wasted their falvored condoms on me... allie you need to keep that so the next time your fucking randoms you dont need an abortion.. if you havent already had one. and ashley maybe if you had one while you were sucking john's dick you wouldnt have needed to spit it out. THE LESSONS: dont pump the well if you cant drink the water... and dont fuck with me, my shit or my friends. washed my truck and it looked amazing.. ahh that is love. i lovvveee my truck!! anyways we just vaccumed up the toilet paper with the reverse car dryer we have ( thank god we have alot of cars that cant have water spots) so it was easy as cake.

monday i worked and taylor surprised me at home... he's finally back.. then my sean came over.. that was fun. i had gone re-shopping and bought like 600 dollars worth of clothing... oops?!

tuesday back at school. its wayy too easy!! !and there is a hot italian guy who speaks virtually no english but only italian and spanish... lucky lucky me. and of course i met a new hockey player that lives in my neighborhood... hottness! lol and then alex took me out to lunch at his club in gulf harbor.. and gabe gave me the orchid off his plate lol!

wednesday:sean came to visit at school... he had first day of college! aww. i walked out and he left me a note on my windshield that said "i love your reena, <3 sean". it was sooo cute.then alex took me out to lunch at his club in gulf harbor.. and gabe gave me the orchid off his plate lol! my dad's heart surgery went okay.. he is still very sore. aida dropped macy off at the house and she left to peru!!!!!

thursday- went to verot after school!! omg i had no idea i still had all of those friends! i missed you guys!! katie i love you to no end and aida i miss you dearly babe.

here's to the person thats getting the best of me.. i <3 you!
- reena

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[30 Jul 2005|08:20pm]
[ mood | discontent ]

I know, I know, it's been a while. But absence makes the heart grow fonder, or so they say. So what's up with me lately? Well a little bit of everything to be honest. No I haven't taken up conversations with myself as my new vice, tempting but no. My new bad habit is more of a feeling. No , not an emotion, an actual feeling you get inside your body that doesn't have a name. It's the feeling you get when you watch a movie that makes you feel guilty and suddenly you feel tears running down your cheeks, but it's not guilt. It's that same feeling when everything you could ever imagine goes wrong and when you scream nothing comes out, but you're not angry. Its that feeling you get when everyone dissappoints you all in one day but your not dissappointed. You hurt. You're alone. Your body aches to not feel invisable. You start to wonder what they were thinking when they did what they've done, said what they've said and acted the way they've acted. But then you remember that when you have to ask what someone was thinking, usually you should know, that they weren't thinking at all. It's a given, an unwritten rule. Kind of like when you start to say something but decided you can't, but you always have to start what you finish? yeah its like that. It all comes out in the wash really. And when i said i didn't want everyday to be the same, i didn't mean that i wanted a variety of bad and worse. i meant that maybe, on the every other blue moon, i want for once the things he tells me to be about me & not about some blond chick with a generic name you can only spell two ways. but for now while all of these people are letting me down, i have storm to talk to. He get's me. and i like that.

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[18 Jul 2005|05:21pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

hey babe. well lets see... yesterday was quite the busy one. i went to the dinner for my mom's mom's birthday. wow mouthful. anyhow, it was at the olive garden and it was interesting. but then again my mom's side of the family is quite the bunch. 7 blood brothers & sisters but 14 altogether. all of them having at leats 2 kids. at least one of each of those kid's kid's has had one kid. io hate the word kid. it means baby goat. sorry, children. anyway you get the idea: big family. after that i came home and got ready to go to fusion. keith and kelly (he's a guy from california.. a hot guy from california) came over. we left eventually and while i pulled into fusion i got pulled over by the cops? good thing i was wearing what i was wearning. because apparently "mam do you know that you failed to recognize street signals... twice?" "i did what?" "you didn't use blinkers" "oh, sorry i forgot. i wont do it again, i swear" "its okay miss. im gunna have to ask you for vehicle registration and your license." --- he let me off with a warning but not after making kelly and keith get out of the car to question them. weirdo. AND aida forgot her i.d. and the cop was giving her shit baout how she wouldnt get in. so then caleb scotty and jordan showed up and we all went to Q's. i saw my mandi and christy!!! ahh i missed them sooo much. so we all danced on the pool table. then after aida got down (you missed the fun iids!) caleb scotty and j-moo danced with us on the table. i got jordan, mandi was assigned caleb, and scotty took christy. that was alot of fun. then aida and i danced with keith and kelly for a long time. then she danced with some jamie guy and this spanish guy asked me to dance. that was fun but he bored me after a while. eventually it was time to go.. then we stayed outside talking for a long while. then aida and stayed up until like 3.30. i had to call work at 3 and left a message that i was at the hospital with a family emergency. lol .what it was an emergency. whatever they shouldnt have asked me to come in last minute. i'll go in tomorrow. david pranked us. yeah okay john schwime or whatever the fuck. i can't believe you did that! anyways im over it. what im not over is too much to deal with right now. easy come, easy go, right? haha id like to think so. man oh man. well im gunna go try to clean again. its a mess. <3
-reena.

p.s. why am i always second best?

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why do people enjoy fucking me over. i ahve done nothing lately to desrve this. of this i am sure. [17 Jul 2005|10:24am]
[ mood | cranky ]

okay well yesterday [saturday] not a whole lot went down. i went to the mall and bought an extremely hot outfit. then i came home and went to the g-spot [not what it sounds like i swear. did a favor for jmoo. then came home and talked with iids for a while. then i was up fixin my myspace. its cute... but dont look at it yet because there are no pictures. he told me he loved me twice yesterday. it kind of scared me. but what scares me more is that i said it back. thats not saying much i know. and no it doesnt say that i love him like THAT. i aslo realized that taylor lied to me about something very improtant. stayed up late watching re-runs of nip/tuck.

sunday- we didnt go to church today which is odd. mom made breakfast. today i am upset. i am upset at you because no matter what i went through and what i know you saw that i went through, in the end you have the nerve to write what you did on that comment. because apparently mending things with a guy you were never friends with to begin, is a whole lot more valuable then how it would make me feel, right? i forget that the whole wide world has their priorities in check. woops, fuck me i should have known. so while you run your mind ragged thinking if im mad at you, and while you replay the things you have done and said recently... remember what you typed and the fact that you didn't consider that lying about not lying will not get you more friends... it could cause you to lose the one you are "closest" to. so keep twisting the knife.. it feels good.

[edit] forgiven but not forgotten

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if you want this to be short, it will be i promise. i know too mnay entries in one day. [15 Jul 2005|10:52pm]
[ mood | bored ]

to whom this may concern,
sometimes...

I like to pretend that my heart isn't made of glass && that God will not give me anything that i can not handle.

-the girl with the flower in her hair.


p.s. I don't want it to shatter in a million peices.



[man i could really use a hug]

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